St. Patrick’s Day Shenanigans


It is sometimes said in Ireland, that God created alcohol to stop the Irish taking over the world. Though I’m not sure how much truth there is to that claim, it certainly seems to me that on this one day a year, the world gets to see what it’s missing out on. Here in New Zealand, you have a fair claim to the celebration- many Irish moved out here among the first wave of settlers, and by some accounts there were a few look-a-likes here even before then.

But still, like most of the western world, once a year, everyone here gets to be Irish for a day. People wear any scrap of green they can lay hands to, and the proliferation of “Kiss me I’m Irish” Tshirts, hats and badges, combined with free-flowing beer tends to lead to all kinds of debauchery. So with that in mind, I wondered what the library could do to help out your celebrations.

I have, therefore, prepared the following gems of wisdom to help you through the day.

  1. Do use the word ‘Sláinte’ instead of ‘Cheers.’ It’s pronounced “Slawn-cha,” more or less.
  2. Do not begin a conversation with “Fiddle-dee-dee, potatoes!”
  3. Do wear a bit of green. You can skip this if you’re actually Irish.
  4. Do not get all drunk and lose the run of yourself. It’s dangerous for you and your friends won’t thank you for having to take you home early.
  5. Do adjust your social media privacy for any pictures you’re tagged in. Prospective employers will look at your profile, and you don’t want them to see pictures of you painted green and doing a kegstand.
  6. Do have some patience with your bar staff, who will be flat out. They’re human too, and are busting their humps to keep you happy. The best way to improve your service is to tip like an Irishman.
  7. Do not forget that you’re celebrating all things Irish, not being drunk. Show a little kindness to someone in need while you’re out, and make your night a little more memorable.
  8. Do take a look at the TX section in the library, near the entrance. If you want to mix up some cocktails like a sir, or cook yourself a feast for Tuesday morning, that’s the place to get good at it.
  9. Do comment on how wonderful Brian O’Driscoll and the Irish rugby team are. Particularly lavish or inventive praise might earn you a friend for life.
  10. Do not contact the police if the Irish tell you that they’re “Having the craic.” Having the craic is not a crime. Having the craic is all but mandatory on St. Patrick’s Day. If you’re not sure what having the craic is, then I submit this video of some goats having the craic, proving that you don’t have to be drunk to have fun.

Follow these simple guidelines, and you’ll be enjoying fine form, in fine spirits. Stay safe and look after your friends, and enjoy the feeling of being Irish, even if just for a day.

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